the worst best man speech ever

So we went to a wedding for one of my old college roomates on Sunday night (robyn and robert). It was at Middle Ranch Lodge in Tujunga--over 200 people, pretty expensive looking wedding, and overall a very nice place. There was the usualy father daughter dance, the first dance, all that stuff. Then came the best man speech. And man what a terrible speech it was. I felt like I was in a movie or something. It went something like this:

"So when I moved from Texas and met robert(the groom) I was looking for a drinking buddy. and seeing has how robert is irish and i'm texan, that worked out pretty well."

(so far so good right? just you wait. keep in mind he is speaking to a pretty classy crowd)

"So when robert and i hang out we usually like to drive around town and look for the biggest pack of miller lite we can find for under $10. Then we drink all of it, and then we usually drive to vegas. Speaking of vegas, i didn't know it was possible to get cut off in vegas, but apparently it happens, because one time the bartender said to robert, 'Sir, you've had enough.'"

(If you can believe it, it gets worse.)

"So one day Robert met Robyn. We were at a pretty big party and you know, everybody had had a lot to drink. So I look over and there's Robert cuddling up with Robyn on the couch. Now, in the six years I'd known Robert, I'd NEVER known him to have a girlfriend or date. So I was pretty surprised. But here we are, and now they're getting married."


So that was basically the jist of it. It was like that scene in Wedding Singer where the angry drunk brother gets up on stage to give the toast. Everybody was just sort of sitting there quietly and glancing at eachother in shock. I'm not exaggerating--that speech is pretty much verbatim. Maybe Jeff can remember some other details. Luckily, the maid of honor gave a very nice speech that made up for the atrocious one, and the bride and groom didn't seem upset or anything. but COME ON....